When Last We Flew

Monday, February 7

I think it’s human nature to want to connect.

Wait. No. That’s wrong.

I think it’s human nature to NEED to connect.

We spend our lives searching for people who get us, accept us, embrace us, understand us. People we trust inherently.

And when we find those people, we don’t let them go because for many of us, it’s taken so damn long to find them.

But, what if that desperate searching leads you nowhere? What if you feel like there’s no one to turn to? Then what do you do?

Paul, our gay Mid-Western teenage protagonist in WHEN LAST WE FLEW, turns to theater- in particular to ANGELS IN AMERICA as his immediate connection. He gets lost in the words, in the world. He imagines himself in the play and finds that it’s his only opportunity to live his life the way he wants to live it: “honestly and transparently. “

I think many of us who work in the theater, be it actor, writer, director, producer, designer, etc. see ourselves or have seen ourselves as an outsider at some point in our lives. It’s probably why we’ve chosen a career where we live part of our lives in a world of make believe. We are in control of the outcome. We spin stories in hopes of learning something about ourselves and if we do our job right, help our audience learn something about themselves as well.

When I first read WHEN LAST WE FLEW, I immediately took to it. How could I not? Growing up in a small suburb in New Jersey, I was instantly pegged as an outsider, an other, and I found myself very much so turning to theater like Paul. I think at that age it was important to see and hear stories and get points of views that were diverse and more progressive than the voices I grew up around. It was vital to know that there was an entire world outside of the confines of the town where I could live “honestly and transparently.”

And as we get older and begin to find those people we were so desperately looking for as we were growing up, that need or desire to turn to theater doesn’t ever go away completely. The questions or needs change, of course- be it the pains of growing older or the confusion or being in love or frustration with the world, you name it.

At the end of the day, WHEN LAST WE FLEW is just a play. Some words written on paper by a playwright I happen to think is unique and special, and one I’m lucky to have in my life. This summer, we brought it to life with a group of artists who I admire and love.

My hope of course, and I admit this is a selfish one, is that we continue to fly higher and keep collecting accolades and get that bigger production in NYC. I’m just not ready to let it go yet.

But, once we let the piece soar on it’s own, I have a feeling I’ll be more excited than I’ve ever been about it. I’ll be excited for that kid looking so desperately to fit in who finds it and in turn finds what he needs: hope.

Thursday, February 3

I have many snap shots in my brain.

The first read through in the kitchen of the rehearsal space.  Looking around at all the new faces and grateful to be a working actor again.

The first time we got up on our feet in the big room.

The time line drawing, with all of us scribbling our story lines on a huge piece of paper so that we understood what was fantasy, and what was reality.

Walking into the Lucille Lortel for the first time and seeing those amazing bird paintings being hung by the fantastic crew.

The dressing room: boys on one side, girls on the other.  Faces in the mirror in various states of panic as we literally flew through our preparations.

The cast holding hands onstage before the house opened in a group prayer more about getting it right and connecting than anything else.

Anthony and Eric pacing at the back of the house willing the tech to get done in time.

Shelby and her stage managers everywhere, running around like dervishes managing about 40 different tasks at once.

The design team with their heads together pointing at things up on stage

Seena, always carrying bags and wearing a huge smile.

Me, standing back stage in the dark and counting the beats of the music for the top of show entrance.

Watching Jon-Michael walk out on stage and see the spotlight hit him….

Seeing all of the actors enter with their fierceness and grace written all over their faces.

Wade-Allain’s swagger in the hat.

Karen in her rocking chair with a tear rolling down her face.

Tamela in her suit fist pumping the air in a powerful memory.

Christopher standing on a chair literally lifting off.

Grabbing Rory’s wrist and feeling an electric shock of intention.

Collette and Harrison sitting in the audience in a state of symbiosis.  Taking notes while radiating a preternatural calm.

Feathers.

I am so grateful to have these pictures and these people in my life.  I am so grateful that the play is being recognized for the message that it brings.

Wednesday, February 2

I’ve gotten very good at protecting myself

At “managing” my expectations

I will be the first to admit that I don’t always do this in an entirely healthy way

Oft times managing expectations looks a lot like convince yourself you don’t want it

That “it” being any number of things

A fellowship, a spot in a writers group, an agent or a production

The safest thing has seemed to be to try not to care too much

To pretend that I don’t care

Because the fact of the matter is that there are so many beautiful writers out there

Writing lovely lovely plays

Telling lovely lovely stories

Why fall to pieces when their work is recognized instead of mine? 
In the case of productions I have found it best to move on

To very quickly start something new and big and crazy so as to avoid post show depression

So as to avoid the nagging disappointment that despite having had an incredible theatrical experience very little in my professional life seems to have changed

This is probably why when good things do happen

Like a completely out of the blue GLAAD nomination

I’m knocked for a loop

Because I’ve conditioned myself to believe that recognition is the kind of thing that happens to other people

(I realize that this may sound like the kind of forced self-deprecation usually designed to elicit sympathy, but that is not my intention)

I am exceedingly grateful to be read

To be heard

To be produced at all

I am grateful to have come in contact with people here in New York who see something special in my writing

Who see something vital in the stories that I’m telling

And I am thrilled

No, beyond thrilled to be recognized by GLAAD for When Last We Flew

I am thrilled for the entire When Last We Flew team

This nomination is a testament to the resourcefulness, talent and incredible commitment of a great number of people

That’s what’s amazing about theater

You can’t do it alone (!)

Perhaps the best thing to come from recognition is that for a moment your defenses are lowered

They’re lowered long enough for you to realize that progress has in fact been made

That even though you might not be where you think you’d like to be

You’re not in such a bad place after all

Monday, January 31

Because I Love Lists, 7 Reasons Why I’m Oh So GLAAD!

1) The when last we flew blog is back!  Yay!

2) We just got a GLAAD nomination for Outstanding Off-Off-Broadway Play.  What?!?!  Awesome.  (Or, to quote Mr. Wade Allain-Marcus: Boomtown!)

3) Finding out that when last we flew had been nominated put a smile on my face that lasted at least ten hours.  At least.  I smiled through an entire day of spreadsheeting at my temp job.  Seriously.  The folks in that office must think that I reallllllly love spreadsheets.   (I mean, I do, but that’s not the point.)

4) If we get to go to the award ceremony in March, I’m totally buying a new dress.  And it will be fabulous.

5) I will also buy new shoes.  And they will also be fabulous.

6) The nomination has prompted lots and lots of e-mailing with Harrison, Eric, and Anthony.  I’m not gonna lie—I feel a little lost without a constant barrage of e-mail from my boys.

7) A year and a half ago, I went to hear Kate Whoriskey talk about Ruined/working with Lynn Nottage.  She said that Ruined was, for her, the result of one of those special, special collaborations that comes along four, maybe five times in a director’s career.  She said she knew very early on that there was something extraordinary about the play, the story, the collaboration.

And that’s exactly how I feel about when last we flew.  I love this play so much—it’s hopeful and brave and magical.  I’ve been working on it with Harrison for two and a half years now, and I know that I’m a better person and artist as a result.

So.  Thank you, Harrison.  Thank you for trusting me with this extraordinary story.

And thank you, thank you, thank you to the many people whose talent, passion, intelligence, generosity, and hard work have gone into helping when last we flew fly!

Friday, January 28

Here is what actress Tamela Aldridge had to say when she found out that When Last We Flew was nominated for a GLAAD Media Award. We think she’s excited…

“What an honor to be part of this production!!! It is a testament to the love, nuturing and acceptance that we all need in life.  To an exceptional cast, an unbelievably dedicated crew, superb producers, an amazing director and writer whose voice is both fearless and timely, I am so GLAAD to have been swept up in this tornado with all of you!  When Last We Flew…We’re. Still. FLYING!!!  Congratulations to everyone on this awesome nomination!”

Thursday, January 27

A few weeks ago, I was having lunch with a friend and he asked me, “Why did you choose theater for your career?” Up until this point, I had been lamenting the start of my 40-year grad school repayment plan after what has felt like years of accepted abject poverty in the name of pursuing what I love. So, as I’m sure you can imagine, the question read more like Dr. Phil than James Lipton (that’s a terrible comparison, I know…)

Anyway, I’ll spare you the “I didn’t choose it, it chose me” or the “when I discovered the magic of the theater” stories (But if you really want to know— I was 9. It was PBS’s American Playhouse telecast of INTO THE WOODS).

The truth of it is that I love the art of storytelling and I think that theater is the best medium to tell stories.

As producer, it’s my job to help artists create something out of very little. I am there to facilitate making that something be the best something it can be. And, nothing makes me happier or more proud than to stand at the back of the theater and watch an audience engaging in and reacting to something I’ve helped put together. That’s why we’re in the business–to share our stories with the audience and hope that they take something away from it.

When my co-producer Anthony Francavilla and I first spoke to our playwright Harrison David Rivers about bringing WHEN LAST WE FLEW to last year’s NY Fringe Festival- that’s exactly what we had in mind—to tell a good story and hope the audience took something unique away from it.

I’ve been working with Harrison, Anthony, and our amazing actress Rory Lipede since 2006 and WHEN LAST WE FLEW marked our fourth collaboration together. Every time we work together it feels special. I can’t describe it, but suffice it to say, these are three people who I’ve grown as an artist with and will continue to do so with.

Early on, I guess you could say that we had an inkling that there was something different about this project. More than any other project we’ve worked on together, something about this piece that spoke to so many people who encountered it.

Anthony had this feeling that WHEN LAST WE FLEW would speak to people and got us behind the belief that they would actually open up their wallets to help us bring it to life. He is a smart guy and I trust his instincts. That’s why we work together. And guess, what? He was right. You probably know the details (or if you don’t, check out our Bloomberg News feature: http://www.bloomberg.com/news/2010-08-19/fringe-festival-impresarios-find-angels-online-via-rockethub-kickstarter.html)

During the Fringe run, we were blessed with some truly amazing and incredibly supportive reviews- and it was thrilling to get the recognition from the press.

Then, wonderful things continued to happen. We were invited to be a part of Fringe Encore Series and were awarded the Fringe’s Outstanding Play and Outstanding Performance (for Rory Lipede) awards.

And amidst shows that had bigger budgets and longer runs, we’ve been blessed to be acknowledged again. This month–FOUR MONTHS after our final performance–Rory was selected as one of Backstage’s Most Memorable Performances of 2010 (http://www.backstage.com/bso/news-and-features-features/memorable-new-york-performances-of-2010-1004137570.story). And last week, we received a GLAAD Media Award nomination for outstanding Off-Off Broadway play- an honor that I’m particularly and incredibly proud of (and really want to win!).

When we embarked on this journey last year, I don’t think any of us could have imagined that we would be where we are today. And I know our journey still isn’t done.

Of course, it’s my hope that WHEN LAST WE FLEW will fly again in New York City and we’re working furiously to make that happen this year. It is also my larger hope that this piece flies out around the country and is seen by those kids who are the outsiders: be it the boy who is scared of the world and gets lost in a story where he can be himself or the girl who is fighting against injustice even if she has no one standing behind her and everything else in between or in other directions.

These accolades and nominations have been the fuel to help our little “show that could” keep flying. They also serve as a reminder to the folks out there that we’re here and we’ve got a story to tell and something to say. I think for me, it’s also pointed to the fact that we’ve thankfully done something right not only on this show, but also in our chosen life in the theater.

To quote Oscar Hammerstein II (yes, I’m going there), “We must have done something good.”

Wednesday, September 15

I did not re-read Angels in America before or while I was writing When Last We Flew.

I did not study its structure.

Or re-visit its plot.

I didn’t have to.

The moments in my play that echo moments in Kushner’s play have been deeply ingrained in my head and my heart since my first encounter with the piece in the Public Library when I was fourteen years old.

Angels in America was my connection to the world outside of my small Kansas town.

It was my connection to New York City, to New York City theater, to HIV, to political/social liberality, to homosexuality…

Yes, When Last We Flew is earnest.

Its characters are earnest.

I am earnest.

But it is not trying to be anything that it is not.

It is not trying to be Angels in America.

It is not trying to be epic.

Or important.

Or even compared to its inspiration.

(though I understand that such a comparison is probably unavoidable)

When Last We Flew is, I suppose, a kind of homage.

I love Angels in America.

And I am deeply grateful to Mr. Kushner for penning such an incredible play.

But I feel like When Last We Flew is less a tribute to Kushner and his landmark play and much more a celebration of the larger idea that art is powerful, so powerful in fact that it can literally transform a person’s life.

Monday, September 13

confession

I have been doubting my presence in New York.

my choice to move/stay here.

my abilities.

my friendships.

me.

…but this show has a way of agitating a much needed yet suppressed inspiration in one’s life. an inspiration partially suppressed by New York. New York is hard. New York IS hard. New York is HARD.

with every door and with every step rejection seems to suffocate the momentum of hope, until every facet of your life is out of breath and gasping for air.

so…this award.

this award for Best Performance in a Fringe show, serves as a much needed breath.

it serves as a memento that i can look back and remember “why”.

it is a memento to acknowledge my efforts in spite of and because of New York. a memento with which i can…

smile.

what carries this smile today is the joy that it isn’t over!!!

a hand picked top %10 show of an entire festival of New York theatre in a fantastic venue, is what I get to do at night and that ain’t too shabby : )

tomorrow i get to walk on stage with some of the most talented people in New York. the icing on the cake is that i selfishly have the opportunity, with three more shows, to walk into a dressing room occupied by three of the most fantastic WOMEN of theatre.

women who “get it”.

who have answers to my questions.

who i have so much to learn from.

who i aspire to be.

who inspire me.

who are teaching me to breath and smile on my own.

welcome to the Encore When Last We Flewers

catch you on the flip side.

rory

Thursday,  September 9

There was a section of lines about flight in several of the early drafts of when last we flew that I absolutely loved, that I still think about, that helps me understand the entire arc of the play.

When Harrison cut those lines two or three drafts ago, I was really disappointed, although I knew dramaturgically that we didn’t actually need them.

I’m going to quote them now, in this blog, because I think they are beautiful and they perfectly describe my experience re-mounting when last we flew for the Fringe Encore series.

we flew back and forth and back and forth and backandforth

From Heaven to Earth, Earth to Heaven

And back again

Acknowledging no difference between them

Except that one was here and the other there

That one required the vigorous beating of wings

A kind of explosive strength

While the other required parachute softness

And grace

Gorgeous writing, right?  That Harrison Rivers—he’s good.

Let me be honest and say that the past ten days have been exhausting. Exciting?  Yes, of course.  Exhilarating?  Sure.  But they’ve mostly been exhausting.

My wings have been working overtime to re-mount this show.

After our performance on Sunday the 29^th, as we celebrated the end of our initial five-performance run, Harrison, Eric, and I started talking about the changes we’d like to make for our four encore shows.  We made a list of things we felt we could accomplish in a week and a half.

I’m not going to tell you what was on that list.  Y’all need to come see the show to see the progress we’ve made!  But I will say that we have made changes in the script and in the staging.  We’ve altered lighting and sound cues.  The actors continue to make big and small discoveries about their characters.

And as Eric mentioned, the fabulous and talented Wade Allain-Marcus is now in rehearsals for a show in San Digeo, so we had to re-cast the role of Fresh/Ford/Man.  Lucky for us, the equally fabulous and talented Casey Robinson has stepped in.  He brings great humor, depth, power, and grace to the role.  Yay Casey!

All of these ch-ch-ch-changes have required a plethora of conversations with the cast, a gabillion e-mail and several in-person brainstorming sessions with Harrison and Eric, a couple of mini-crises/freak-outs that needed to be attended to, a pre-tech meeting with Shelby and KJ, and of course, more rehearsal and tech time.

By yesterday afternoon, I felt like I did not have one ounce of strength (explosive or otherwise) left in me to get the show and myself off the ground.  I’d only had three hours of sleep the night before and on the verge of tears, annoyed (but not at anyone or anything in particular), I rode the subway to rehearsal, not knowing how I was going to get through our first, final, and only run through before tech.

But then I got to our rehearsal space and the actors started trickling in.  Seeing all of their beautiful smiling faces, together, for the first time in a week and a half, made me so darn happy!  I forgot how tired I was, and was just really excited to put all of the new pieces together, to take the production even higher.

And let me tell you, last night’s run through of the show was phenomenal.

PHENOMENAL.

Oh my goodness.

We are really flying now.

Tuesday, September 7

It’s always a little nerve-wracking doing the Fringe Festival because you have little to no control over so many things: performance times; safety of sets, costumes, or props; whether or not your lights or sound will be working for any number of performances; even what theater you’ll been in. So, you build your show with all of this in mind and you learn to accept that because tech time is virtually non-existent, you’ll be seeing the show for the first time with full sets, lights, costumes, and sound with the first paying audience. Oh, did I also mention that you’ve only got 15 minutes to load your show into and out of the theater for every performance? Suffice it to say, it’s not for the faint of heart.

And yet, I love it! I think it forces you to boil things down and figure out what things are mandatory to tell the story. The challenge is to make it beautiful—but economical and without luxury.

And with that, you discover a lot over the 5 performances you’re given. You figure out what you need to fine tune and tighten very quickly and it’s thrilling to watch your company of actors grow more and more confident in their performances as they discover deeper levels with the help of an audience. You compile your to-do list with each successive performance as the production gets better and better. But, then it’s over. The festival ends, you pack up your bags and there’s this separation anxiety that kicks in because it’s been such a whirlwind. It’s been such a short period, AND you have so much you still want to work on. And that’s how we’d planned to proceed for WHEN LAST WE FLEW this year.

But, something seemed to have caught on with audiences and in the press during our very brief run. Our houses were filled with audiences who were incredibly moved and, more importantly, very vocal about it. The reviews started coming in and they ranged from incredibly supportive to flat-out raves. It felt like we had momentum and we hoped that something would happen to keep that going but, of course, we didn’t necessarily expect anything to.

And then at 11:30pm on a Friday night right after a very hectic fourth performance with an emergency understudy in for our “Ian” (long story, but suffice it to say, Christopher Larkin still owes me a couple drinks), we found out that we were being invited to stay at the Lortel for four more performances as a part of FringeNYC’s Encore Series. After high-fiving Anthony, we quickly made our rounds outside the front of the Lortel to tell the cast and creative team that we would not only be able to tackle our to-do lists but also implement those changes in front of an audience almost immediately.

To say we’re ecstatic to be able to continue this beautiful play and production would be an understatement. I don’t think we’ve been able to entirely come down from our high or fully comprehend everything that’s happened to us. Oh, did I mention that Harrison was awarded a Fringe award for outstanding play and our “Natalie,” Rory Lipede, for outstanding performance? After over three years of pounding the pavement with the two of them, it really left me speechless with joy and a feeling of being overwhelmingly proud to see them be recognized. Well… speechless after I screamed my head off with elation.

And so, here we are. We found out about Fringe Encores about 10 days ago and since then we’ve:

1. Recast one of our roles- the amazing Casey Robinson will be replacing Wade Allain-Marcus who’s now rocking the Old Globe in a new play. We miss you Wade!
2. Made significant changes to our opening (I’m not going to tell you what it is, but come check it out- it’s going to be awesome!)
3. Changed and added a few new technical elements (which we’ll be putting in during our 4 hour tech this week)
4. Fine-tuned, cut, added, reworked, and made our script infinitely better.

What audiences will see at the Lortel this week is a little leaner and a definitely clearer piece that still has the same heart we had at the Fringe but is beating much louder and prouder.

I hope you’ll come out and see the play. If you saw us at the Fringe, come check out the wonderful work we’ve been able to put into the piece since you last saw us and tell your friends! If you didn’t see us at the Fringe, get your act together and get your tickets now!